Here Comes the Bride

Aww yeeeuhh that's right. You saw the title of this post and now you wanna know all the juicy secrets about the numerous females in my life. And let me assure you, there are numerous. Unfortunately for you, that's not what this post is about. Of course not, because Nate always writes about Christiany things and a post about girls would just make him out to be a douchebaggy loser who creeps on girls. That, my friend, is an incorrect assumption. But a correct assumption is that this post is about something Christiany. I apologize. And as much as I wish my bride could be this dimepiece:I actually have something important to say about her:No, that's not my Chinese school. It's my church! I know she ain't much to look at, but I still love her. But yeah, in the Bible the church is referred to as God's Bride. It's also called God's Body, and I was planning on making the title of this post something having to do with my body (maybe something like, Thoughts About My Body), but I didn't think that would be very tasteful. Anyways, I go to a church in San Francisco called First Chinese Baptist Church. Chinatown represent!
And let me start off by saying this: I love my church. But I have problems with it. And that's what I need to talk about. Writing about Fcbc is one of the reasons I wanted to make this blog. Doing something about Fcbc, however, is something that I need to do more than write about. But that's something that will take more work...
So the thing I love about Fcbc is the people. This is my family. Yes, we have cliques. Yes, we say mean things. Yes, I still avoid some people. But this is where God put me. But the thing that worries me about Fcbc is that no one is being challenged. Fcbc is a comfortable church that would never call anyone out or make someone rethink their faith. We love saying things like "read your Bible" and "spend time with God," but after almost 4 years of Sundays, I don't remember one single time that I left church changed. I don't remember any sermons. I don't remember ever feeling convicted to do anything for the sake of the gospel. As I'm learning more and more about who Jesus is from my own experiences and resources, I'm beginning to see that Jesus was not a comfortable person to be around. When I'm at church, I hear a message, but instead of hitting me hard like the Rock:the messages are more like Golddust:hahaha. Freakin hurt.
But for you non wwf kids, what I mean is that the messages at Fcbc are all so blah. There's nothing to wrestle with, nothing that convicts, challenges, or offends. I love our pastors, but I'm tired of all the sugar-coating. It makes everyone numb to what is supposed to be a transformative Word.
I'm not sure what I would think of Fcbc if I was visiting for the first time. I remember one service, (what I think was) a homeless guy came in and sat down. First of all, that kinda stuff NEVER happens at our church. But it did this one time. And I don't wanna assume things, but the lady sitting next to him (a very solid church member) stood up and moved... !!! Like wtf, right? I'm pretty sure that's the opposite of the gospel. Our youth service was cancelled and has now joined forces with our young adult/college service. I think it's because numbers were too low... Again, I don't wanna assume things, but I'm not so sure if our church is very open to newcomers. They just make us too... uncomfortable.
I am afraid that my friends at Fcbc, especially those who are younger, will get used to this idea of Christianity as something that can coexist easily with every other aspect of life and that will never challenge the way they live or think or act. I am afraid that Fcbc is giving off a false image of who God is, that he doesn't challenge us to live to a much higher standard. I do not see very much passion at Fcbc. And I don't think it's because there are no passionate people, but it's the fact that we're not seeing God move in our church because we won't take any risks for him.
Well, I'm afraid this post is getting into the realm of a complaining session rather than anything constructive. So, this is post is mainly for those of you to attend Fcbc. Please, I would love to hear from you. Agree? Disagree? I think you can leave a comment regardless of whether you have an account or not... And for those of you nonFcbc-ers who may be reading this, if you have something to say, please say it. I apologize if this was an annoying rant and if you found any of it offensive. But it's how I feel. Yee.
Lastly, I don't want to make it seem like I'm above any of this. My failings as a Christian far outweigh the failings of this church. But as God is transforming me, I expect the rest of the Body be transformed as well. I want to make a difference at Fcbc. Not sure how, but I want to. I'm not gonna leave, since this is my family. Dysfunctional, but still my family. That is all.

A Christmas Poem

Written December 13, 2005...

Now put the picture in your mind of a time; rewind centuries behind to an era where a young couple would stumble into the rubble of a place not so kind.
The rise of the mind that would set down the crown and let the beautiful letdown resound.
He was found by the kings, angels gathered round. The sounds of stories told by prophets centuries-old unfold before eyes no more than one year old.
What could we withhold from this child given gold who would hold a much greater treasure; a miracle beyond measure who would weather the storm.
But severed and torn, worn by the war fought between Satan and Lord. Blatant and forward, they struck with the sword to your side. Poured out the soul and you died. Wide-eyed, they surveyed the place where you gave up in grace for mankind.
But now free from danger, asleep in a manger. A stranger walks in and wouldn't believe if I laid the decree that this baby would one day die for me.

Bowling

So I dont know if I came and visited you or if you happened to see me on the streets or if you just saw the pictures, but let me announce it once again: I, Nate Lee, donned the azn bowlcut for the world to see. I shall let these pictures do the talking:
Yes. Please refrain from commenting on how beautiful it is, I dont want to get cocky. But yes, you are correct, it looks pretty freakin good. I was pretty much convinced on how ridiculously good looking I was when I walked out of my apartment and two frat boys slowed down in their car to laugh at me. Props to Jackie Hang for this glorious achievement.
One thing that was especially interesting was going out shopping for a couple hours with the bowlcut in all its glory for everyone to see. I felt like I was on one of those shows where someone dresses up in a fatsuit and sees how poorly they're treated. I remember a Tyra Banks episode where that happened haha. Oh Tyra. But really, I dont think I've ever been so self conscious in public. I mean, look at the back of my head... that thing is disgusting. Whenever someone was walking behind us, I had to pull my collar up a little bit. Oh, and not to mention my so-called "friends" that Jackie and I visited who just laughed at me. Terrible.
After a little while, I went back home, got the clippers, and let Becky do some damage control. So, yeah, the bowlcut is officially gone and will probably never ever make a comeback. Ever. If this haircut has taught me anything, it's that, with all the 3 stooges comparisons,and with this guy (yes, it's a guy) as a template for my haircut,I'm probably better off with a generic hairstyle, even if it does draw less attention. I think this will go down as a good memory and a fun story to tell, but I would never do it again. I'm surprised I had the balls to do it in the first place. Funny how some things start out as jokes and then turn into reality... be careful what you wish for, right? Reminds me of sophomore year in high school when I agreed to shave my head on the last day of school...I guess my judgment has not changed much... that was a poor decision.
Moral of the Story: Image is not everything. In this world of materialism and $330 Jordans (which I am no longer buying from Sammy), it's easy to get caught up in trends, even when they're not YOU. Am I giving into the hype? Maybe. Where is my identity? In the way people perceive me? Or in the way I am loved and accepted by God DESPITE me? Bowlcut, shaved head, materialistic, attention-seeker, sinner... People might laugh at me while they pass by in their cars, but the approval of Someone Else means much more. Be blessed.

Second Coming

I recently had my last Music27 class with Prof. Mathews. I havent been doing the reading for the class, and this last lecture was supposed to be a review, so i was there. And i was ready. I had my laptop out, ready to take notes (and check fantasy when he was saying irrelevant stuff) and i for sure wasnt even gonna fall asleep this time. But dang... this ended up being the worst lecture ever! Basically, what Prof. Mathews did was play a piece of music and then go into where we were sitting in the lecture hall and he freakin asked students! Like wtf, right? There's gotta be around 200 people in class and he's going around, climbing over chairs, sticking the mic in people's faces. All i wanted out of the lecture was... a lecture. And when i saw him asking for participation i was like,"Hells to the no, David Blaine!" I was thinking about boucin outta there reeeaaal quick. But then i remembered how ignorant i was in the subject of music, so i stayed. I freakin stayed. I swear, i have never been so uneasy in a lecture for the whole entire hour. It was terrible. EVERY single time he came up on the right side aisle of the lecture hall, my heart would start POUNDING. He went to the row in front of me and he went to the row behind me. I was scurred straight. I did not know any of the answers to the questions he was asking. I'm so thankful he didnt call on me.
After i got outta lecture, i was so relieved. Thankful that he didnt call on me and also that i got the notes that i needed. But it was an experience i did not want to relive.
Which got me thinking....
Is this how i live with God? Hoping, day after day, that he doesnt come around and see me, swimming--drowning--in my sin. Do i wake up everyday and say, "Dang i hope today isnt judgment day. Cuz if it is, then im freakin screwed!" What a terrible way to live. Yet theres so much crap in my life that i still cling on to. And i know if Christ himself were to walk into my room right now and look me in the eyes, i'd be scared to death. Just like if Prof. Mathews called on me in class, i'd be speechless. No answer, no excuse, no nothing. He might say, "Well, you havent done your reading, have you?" If my homeboy Jesus came around today, he might say, "Well, you dont really know me, do you?" I'd probably just give him a blank stare.
I gotta get things right. Music27, faith, life, whatever. I cant halfass my way through everything. David Blaine can turn orange soda into cheezits, but he cant get me into heaven. I got some thinking to do.

No Numbers

Alright. Time for a break from this stupid essay. Shout out to Sadamitsu and the No Numbers crew, thanks for the title.

Yesterday was large group. Carol's last :( I wasn't quite sure what she would talk about as her last Cal IVCCF talk ever, but i don't think i expected what she did in fact choose to talk about. There were numbers. Lots of them. Statistics. I did not do very well in Stats 2. I'm sure Carol's intentions were good. I'm glad that the numbers were prefaced with the disclaimer that "every statistic stands for a life changed." Nonetheless, while they were going through all the digits and how our fellowship keeps getting bigger and bigger and "better," i couldnt help but squirm in my seat.
Is THIS our goal? More people? I know for damn sure this fellowship is not about increasing numbers. I think back to reading (/skimming) that book True Story-- it's about escaping that box of numbers and that "more conversions" mindset, right? Maybe i skimmed too fast. Carol forced us to read and reflect on that book (which sucked), so I know her intentions for showing the numbers are good. But i suck at math. I don't like numbers. Especially in the context of Christianity.

John 6:60-69...
The gist: 66From this time many of [Jesus'] disciples turned back and no longer followed him. 67"You do not want to leave too, do you?" Jesus asked the Twelve. 68Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. 69We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."
I firmly believe--though i may be wrong--but i firmly believe that if Jesus or Paul had a church today, their church would not be that big. In John 6, Jesus speaks truth and people complain, they judge, they doubt, they leave. Sometimes truth is offensive. If Jesus or Paul had a church today, would you be there? You'd be challenged for sure, but is that what you want? Sometimes i worry that inflating numbers in IV are not a result of God's truth but of comfortability. Don't get me wrong, i love Intervarsity, and i think our comfortability with each other is a gift from God, but i want to be able to use the intimacy we have so we can challenge one another. Do we live this way?
One thing people like to say about Carol is that she said what she had to say, even if it wasn't what people wanted to hear. I honestly didn't want to hear about numbers. And i'll be the first to call it out. I don't want to boast about how many conversions, small groups, leaders, members, or whatevers that IV has. I want to boast about God's truth, even if it hurts.

Genesis

I know what you're thinking, and yes, i had to change the name of the blog. As much as i loved pretending to be a true azn gangsta, it simply wasn't true. Maybe in 6th grade. But these days, i'm past that foolish childsplay. I probably had about 10 friends with emails or SNs like trueaznboi or lilaznshorty or some crap like that. I refuse to stoop that low. So i just decided to go with my standard aim sn. Legit.
Now on to more important things. Much love to everyone who dropped a comment yesterday. Especially to hlebain who gave me two. Unfortuately she commented the exact same thing twice, which leads me to believe she didn't even read my blog and just sent a generic comment and then accidentally sent it again. Disgusting. I'm sad there are no e-props on blogspot. Disappointing indeed. Now how will i know how much props i got? Mad props? No props? This is ridiculous. Nonetheless, keep dropping by to say hi. I will do my best to write well. No promises though.

Genesis.
What a coincidence! The title of this blog is Genesis and dorm ministry has been studying the book of Genesis this semester! Dang that's tight. We (myself included) have been learning a lot about what it means to run away from God only to have him bring us back to what's important. So, though i've been away from the blogging game for awhile now, i have been mercifully called back to online journaling. What a great Biblical analogy.
The reason i wanted to start this blog is because i have a whole smorgasbord of thoughts, questions, and experiences that i want to share. Things like life, God, sports, home, food, clothes, friends, happiness :), sadness :(, and things of the sort. Is that hecka girly? Shoot. I don't really have feelings though, so don't expect much in that category. But i do have opinions and complaints and questions. That should suffice. One thing that i've been learning about a lot this past semester is transparency. What a better way to live in that vulnerability than to make a blog, right? I know. Hecka smart. But in order for this to work, we (me and you, the reader) need to make a Covenant. Dang this whole Genesis analogy is working wonders. Anyway, the covenant is: i, nathan jin lee, shall be completely honest, raw, uncensored, and transparent in this blog if you, __________ (insert name) shall read it. Yee!

Blogs?

So are blogs the new in thing? Because i remember when xanga was the shizz and i used to write essays in that crap like the whole world was reading it. And now i have returned to the blogging game. I am TrueAznGangsta. Except i'm an educated gangsta (which is actually an oxymoron). Nonetheless, i will live up to this name. I promise you, my blogs shall be every bit true, azn, and staight up gangsta. I'm good on my word.
So yeah anyway, i made this because i have thoughts and complaints and feelings running around and about in the dome and they need to escape. Though i currently have a 10pg paper due soon and a nice plate of rice and leftover turkey in front of me that needs to be eaten, i shall write in this here blog. I'll probably spend more time in it during Christmas break. It's coming up!
Oh yeah one more thing, my roommate Vansen keeps listening to that Beyonce song. I think it's called "If i were a boy" because that's the line he keeps singing. I'm not sure what i think about all this. It makes me uncomfortable. Maybe i should say something. What would a trueazngangsta do? He'd probably say something. And then call up his homeboys and their brothers. Well, i'll avoid confrontation for tonight. Vansen, i love you.
Well, tell your friends about me. Check back regularly. Stay classy, san diego.