Tuesday, January 20, 2009


School has begun. Back to the grind. But before I do that, time to blog!

This past Monday, I met with my pastor. I told her what I thought about our church. I told her how comfortable I thought everything was and how I wanted to see that change. And I guess I just shared with her my recent thoughts about money, materialism, ministry, and stuff of that sort. I don't think I ever really had the chance to talk to her face to face about stuff before, and I forgot how wise she was haha.Basically, this is what I got from our talk:
  1. In regards to the church, she pretty much agreed with me about how comfortable everything was. She said the problem with churches is that big mega churches grow so much because they have all the talented people--pro worship leaders, great pastors, leaders, etc--but at the same time, you become just another face in the crowd, as opposed to smaller churches (like FCBC and every other SF Chinese church), where everyone knows each other pretty intimately, but you get mediocre worship leaders and blah pastors haha. Ok, maybe she didn't say it like that, but that was the jist. She also pointed out that, because FCBC is a generational church--that is, you might have grandparents, parents, and kids all from the same family at our church--sometimes you can see why some of the youth are so lukewarm, because their parents' faith is the same way... Basically, she agreed with me that things weren't quite right, but I think she really reminded me the importance of trusting God. Yeah, it kinda sounds like a copout, but the way she said it was a lot more profound haha. I think I've become very arrogant and self-centered about my views of God, saying, "God, show me this, show me that. If you'd only do these things, then so many people would believe" acting like I know what's best when he's telling me to be patient. Idk. Chris O was quick to humble me.
  2. In regards to money, materialism, and ministry, Chris O was also quick to point out some of my mistakes. Basically, what I got from her is this: to each man his own. I asked her about how Christians should spend their money, what kind of lives they should live, how they should serve, how much they should give, if they can live comfortable lives... Essentially she reminded me that God calls each of us differently, that there is no such thing as "A Christian should..." --Now I agree to a certain extent, but I think this is debatable. I believe that there is a standard that we as Christians should live up to, but I also agree that we are not all called to live in the ghetto to serve the poor and some of us are called to live in the suburbs and drive nice cars. Who knows? I don't. But I think the point is that God can do the judging. If my pastor is rollin on dubs in his Escalade, it's not for me to decide if he's living a Godly life. And I think there is freedom knowing that we have so much freedom in serving God.
Yeah... overall, Chris O was really really honest with me and I appreciated that a lot. Some of the stuff I listed above might be my interpretation of what she said, so take it with a grain of salt. If you have questions for Chris O, you should ask her :) But I think it was good to talk to her. Mostly when I would share these things with other people, I would mostly just get agreement, but I'm glad Chris O was quick to drop some wisdom on me and humble me a little bit.

I think my thoughts about God can be measured up in this:
Matthew 47:22-23 says,
42"He saved others," they said, "but he can't save himself! He's the King of Israel! Let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him. 43He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now if he wants him, for he said, 'I am the Son of God.' "
... Just imagine what would have happened if Jesus came down from the cross right there. While the soldiers and people crucifying Jesus were shouting, "If you're really the son of God, then you'll come down!" Imagine if Jesus said, "Ok, you know what, I am the son of God, let me show you" and he came down from the cross... Dude, all the people there for sure would have believed in Jesus after that. Like dude, why wouldn't Jesus take the opportunity?? I just feel like that's what it's been like... I know that God can do amazing things, but he isn't, and I don't know why. I'm saying, "God, if you're real, then show yourself, do a miracle, do crazy stuff--you have such a great opportunity!" and God is just like "Nate, be patient. I know it looks like it would be good if I did crazy stuff now, but I promise things will get even crazier if I show myself at a later time." In the Gospel, that crazier thing was Jesus rising from the dead. In real life right now, I have no clue what God has in store. But I gotta trust that whatever he has in plan is gonna be ridiculous.

Shoutout to Vansen, my roommie, who just got a new iPhone. And Samuelle, reppin the Urban School right.
... I still have so many questions. But I think I've come a long way since my badmouth high school days. I have a long way to go though.

And last but not least,

1 comment:

Sophie said...

hi nate. i'm vansen's sister. I just started looking @ your blog because vansen was saying how you give shoutouts to him on it.
anyway. if you're unsatisifed with the state of your church or how ppl don't see God working now like how He did in Acts, check out Jaeson Ma's book "The Blueprint" or his blog (just google Jaeson Ma).