Why Chinese Mothers Are Destroying The Church

Amy Chua recently published an article in The Wall Street Journal arguing why the Chinese parenting style is conducive to high achievement. To her I humbly respond: Shut the f up.

When one of your primary goals is to justify why calling your child "stupid," "worthless," or "a disgrace" is a beneficial parenting practice, then you is a freakin maniac or what Zach Galifianakis has coined as "the ruhtard."

What really angered me most though--and this is the crazy part--was that the article was true. This IS why Chinese kids are so great. This IS why we succeeded in school, became prodigies on the piano, and were given the debilitating "model minority" label. Like it or not, the values held in high esteem by the older generations do not simply disappear when American-borns stick their middle fingers up at the family tree--it is ingrained in us. And the church has not escaped that influence. Part of the reason this article was so difficult for me to read is because I know that this mindset is alive and well inside Asian churches and it is robbing the Gospel of its power.

How can you expect a church to understand Grace when all we've ever heard is that acceptance comes only as a result of high achievement?

How can you know the Loving Father when all you've ever seen is the belt-wielding, unresponsive father? (You might understand the whole "fearing God" thing, though)

How can you ever understand Freedom and personal faith if you've never had a say in your own passions and if everything has always been black and white, do and don't?

How can you ever understand Jesus if your goal in life is success?

The list goes on.

Don't get me wrong--Chinese ideology has its benefits too. Hard work and discipline as well as hard work and discipline are positive contributions of the system. Oh, and I almost forgot about hard work and discipline. These are things that can’t be ignored for Christians seriously pursuing Jesus. However, Chinese thinking has created a very distinct and, in my opinion, destructive church culture that has to be acknowledged and addressed, especially by folks in my generation.

I have friends who practically do everything for their church. I rarely see them all year because they're always busy, and when we do get to touch base for a little while, they always seem tired and frazzled. They serve their church because they love their church, but I can't help but see all of their efforts and ask, "What's the point of your hard work? To pull God down from heaven all by yourself? To impress him?" Maybe Asian American church leaders have only transferred their achievement-mindedness to the church sphere. Now, God becomes just another unemotional parent figure who chastises us while he swings the gai mo so.

And you'd think Chinese people would eat up an idea like Grace. I mean, it's a free giveaway of God's love and I KNOW Chinese people love free giveaways. But nah, this Grace thing just doesn't seem to make sense to us. I've heard it too many times, people that seem convinced that they're "not good or holy enough" to get baptized. I think that these kinds of ideas break the heart of a God who has always chosen sinners.

I'm rambling, but a couple more points. The example in the article where the mom forces her daughter to get the piano song right... this might work with piano, but it doesn't transfer over to faith. You don't practice faith until you like it or until it becomes easy; if you’re forced to practice faith, then perhaps it isn't really your faith. And if faith is something our parents simply forced upon us, we eventually reach the point where we either find ways to make it personally meaningful or we drop it altogether (which is what happens a lot in college). Our orderliness and black-and-white nature make the Asian church susceptible to the manufacturing of robots. We’ve been told and programmed what to do; we know the answers, we can do the practices, but we don't know how to ask questions or to think for ourselves.

I used to be optimistic about change. Now, I'm not so sure. Asian churches are generational; children's faiths often look a lot like parents' faiths; we are set in our ways. I understand why, historically, the Asian American church is the way it is. Especially for folks in San Francisco, churches were (and are) literally, sanctuaries. For immigrants coming in without a grasp of English and without a lot of resources, church was a good community. Away from angry white people, around those who understand you, throw in a God who helps the oppressed and you got yourself a formula for success. No wonder Asian American churches have a strong sense of community, a big passion for inreach and a value for taking care of their own, but also typically ignore things like social justice, radical giving, and missions. The Asian church in America was built on self-centeredness.

And it worked. We succeeded. We achieved the American dream. Thank God our Chinese mothers never gave up on us. We became middle and upper-class citizens and we praised Him for it. Church was our original safe haven and we moved out to the suburbs to cling even more tightly to our comfort. We ran from the suffering we once endured and we had cute kids and sent them to Sunday school to learn about Jonah without realizing the irony that one day the whale might come and get us too. We are running from Jesus Christ, the one who told us to give away everything, to be last, and to love our enemies. We baptize each other in lukewarm water and call it discipleship.

The answer, obviously, is not simply to sprint in the opposite direction. God knows that this generation has abandoned discipline and hard work to our own detriment. Also, I needa check myself to make sure that this isn't some lame postmodern, free-thinker, everything-is-good-if-it-comes-from-the-heart kind of rant. But I believe there needs to be a shift and that people like Amy Chua need to be taken down and burned at the stake. Jk about the last part, but yes. I love the Asian American church. I really honestly do. I understand filial piety and I respect our esteem for tradition, but the Gospel must trump culture in every instance, and if ethnic barriers keep us from fully following Jesus, then they gotta come down. It'll be a slow process, but someone's gotta do it.

And of course, I'm projecting. Forgive me if you believe the judgments in this post to be incorrect, for there is a huge plank that is obstructing my vision. Yet I am confident for both myself and the church that he who began a good work will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Psychology and Faith

I'm a psych major.

That means when I first met you, I could already tell what kind of person you were because you had your hands in your pockets, you scratched your right cheek every time you talked about your roommate, and you licked your lips every once in awhile, which meant that you were physically attracted to me. There's empirical research to back that last one up.

One big thing that you take away as a psych major, especially if you take a class like social psych, is that the mind is a very powerful and, at the same time, a very feeble thing. Powerful in the sense that it can control so much of your behavior without you even knowing and feeble in the sense that it can be altered so easily and so subtly... take, for example, studies done on mental priming or subliminal thought.

There was a study done on young adults to test the power of mental priming. So they would tell the participant to form a sentence using words from a word bank. The control group would receive a word bank with neutral words, maybe something like, "paper; on; sits; desk" and the sentence would be "The paper sits on the desk." The experimental group, however, would be

primed with old people words like "wrinkles" or "arthritis" or "Florida" haha. And then they made the sentence with those words. After they submitted their sentences, the researchers timed the participants on how long it took them to walk down the hall and out of the building. Crazy thing is, the participants who were primed with the old people words took a significantly longer time to exit the building than the control group. Conclusion: the old people words primed them to feel old, so they walked slower, like old people do! Crazy.

There are other amazing studies. A picture can flash on my computer screen so quickly that my brain can't even process it, and it can still profoundly affect my behavior. I can be convinced that 2+2=5 if there are enough people around me that believe it's true... that one's pretty intense. Maybe you know where this is going...

These studies show me one thing: the mind can be manipulated and molded in so many ways that we don't even notice or understand. The way we act and behave, what we believe, the smallest everyday decisions we make are all influenced by small and seemingly insignificant things we come across in our lives. It's scary if you think about it too much.

I was thinking about the idea of Truth. If the mind is such a fragile thing, how can anyone claim rights to complete Truth? The religious right might believe that they have a monopoly on truth the same way the Catholic church might believe that they have a monopoly on truth the same way the Mormon church, the same way the most evil man in the world... Truth seems so relative when I take into consideration all the ways the mind can be manipulated and even tricked. I know very well how easy it is to jump right on board with an eloquent preacher, a captivating worship song, or a feel-good message. These things aren't bad, but they do, to an extent, mold your mind more and more into... something--whether that something is right or wrong is another question.

If you know me, you know that my mind is often filled with doubts and questions like these. I fear the manipulative power of organized religion. I really do. I've seen Jesus Camp. That shizz is scary. I sometimes question myself, if I've somehow allowed myself to get lost in this fog. If I'm just living in some state of ignorance or self-delusion, if this whole faith thing is just something I fell into that I'm now trying to convince myself is the real deal. I think what makes it harder is that many Christians just seem so sure, as if certainty was the prerequisite for spiritual maturity. Let your doubts be buried; trust more, pray more, and then God will work. I hold tight to spiritual giants like Mother Teresa and Martin Luther who could not separate their unfailing obedience to God with their most damning doubts.

If there is anything that keeps me grounded, though, it is the homeless refugee bastard baby Jesus Christ (bastard bc he didn't have an earthly father. I ain't being disrespectful!). To me, Jesus is so captivating a person, such a pure embodiment of--yes--Truth, that I cannot remain unchanged by the life he lived. I still have my questions about the Old Testament, about the Holy Spirit, about Paul's letters, about the present day church, but as long as I know that Jesus is the center of this entire thing, I know that there is something here worth living for. All human manipulation and distortion cannot change the person of Jesus. On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.

christian guys are really gay

said my friend Ryan one time. "It's because Christianity looks down on you if you get too close to a girl, so guys just take it out on other guys."

Amen amen.

I ended up using Ryan's quote on an anthropology paper once. Got a B+. I think it's pretty true though. Christian culture forces people to think creatively on how to be social. For example, it forces us to find ways to have fun without alcohol. This is why Christians love board games and can come up with these ridiculous games like Table of Death and the "spin around and jump over a stick" game. When you really think about it, some of it is down right foolish. But they're fun. And they're generally wholesome. Everyone wins.
Likewise, when it comes to relationships, guy-girl contact in a Christian context is dangerous. Most guys play it safe. If a guy needs to release some sexual energy, he'll most likely end up massaging some other dude or getting in a wrestling match or something like that. I dunno. I'm only generalizing. This topic is just kinda awkward.

The guy in this picture is obviously not Christian...

But the truth is, Christian guys are especially gay towards one another. There's no huge attempt at being pc right now, so let's just put it all out there. Christian guys just touch each other. Not in a nasty way, but just as a "wassup, we're homeboys, I can't get too close to that cute girl right now, so imma just hold you" kinda thing. No biggie.
And if you're not a Christian and you're reading this like wtf, then I totally understand. Especially considering the American church's stance on homosexuality, this probably doesn't make much sense. Or maybe it does... because the church is also infamously hypocritical. I dunno. This post is not about the church's views on homosexuality. I don't even wanna get into that. Ok let's just get back to the important stuff. About guys touching each other.

Ok, really, I don't even really wanna talk about that anymore. It was supposed to be a segue into guy-girl relationships in the church, but I just kept rambling about church gayness. This is what I really wanted to talk about:

I've noticed something difficult about church culture and its unspoken views on romantic relationships. It's such an odd and frustrating thing... Basically, it comes down to this basic principle:

If you are a Christian in a romantic relationship and you are not spayed or neutered, you are setting yourself up for a crapload of guilt.

That's just how it is. And let's be honest here, church doesn't talk about sex very often (unless you're studying Ecclesiastes), so I think it's important that it can get acknowledged once in awhile because it's something that affects a ton of Christian people who are passionate both to their significant other and to their God. They're not mutually exclusive. But the simple fact that we have hormones means that--unfortunately--we're gonna want sex... Dang this is awkward... And it just sucks that a lot of Christians who are romantically involved see their relationships with God slowly go to the crapper because being sexually involved with someone just feels a lot more exciting than reading the Bible... Dang this post is gonna get me trouble... It just bothers me a lot that getting into a relationship seems to automatically put you in a downward slope with God... And whose fault is that? Is it our fault that we want to be physically involved? Is it the church's fault for staying silent on the subject while imposing rules and making us feel guilty when we can't keep them? Is it God's fault for making us this way and for calling us to such a high standard? It's all just confusing to me.

Do I think that there is such a thing as a genuinely Christ-centered relationship? Of course I do. But the very very honest reality is that romantic relationships for Christians is freaking difficult. And maybe this is why guy-girl contact is so frowned upon in church circles. Ahh yes, it all makes sense now. This post has indeed come full circle. There's nothing left to really say but, guys, continue only getting close to other guys. That way, we stay safe, uninhibited, and guilt-free.

On Church Membership

As of this past Sunday, I'm officially a member of First Chinese Baptist Church. Yay? Well, actually, I'm not a full member. Because I was baptized by pouring and not by immersion, I can only be an associate member. Questionable policy, to say the least. I think they're gonna put an asterisk by my name in the church directory...And, as an associate member, I am unable to vote on property issues. Theologically, this makes sense because when you're only baptized by pouring or sprinkling, you automatically receive impaired judgment on property issues.
Anyways, membership is such a weird thing. I hated it at first. First of all, that crap is not biblical. Second of all, I didn't like that certain privileges were kept from me because I didn't have the title of member, even though I had been going to church there for a long time. I think it's these kinds of church politics issues that really bug me. Sigh. Complaints aside, it's actually been a big blessing taking membership classes these past 5 or 6 weeks with my senior pastor. I thought it would be tough to sit through, but I really enjoyed hearing what he believes and the kinds of things he's passionate about. Although I wasn't particularly fond of the book we went through (called "The Family of God"), it was a good experience overall. And last week I gave my testimony and the existing church membership voted on me haha. And waddya know, I made it!
I think God's been leading me down this really weird road with fcbc. It's a love/hate kind of relationship maybe. If you're a faithful reader of this blog (thank you), then you know the struggles I've had with church. And for the most part, I still believe strongly that my church has issues, but I can't deny the fact that God has been leading me to be more involved there.
It's weird. Freshmen year, I remember I was so excited that I was away from fcbc, going to Living Water. LW was great. It had a passionate pastor, amazing musicians, cool people, AND free food after service (which was better than the baos at fcbc). (these are baos, which are still delicious)
I guess that's where God wanted me at that time, the place that would serve me best in my first couple years in college. Maybe I'm in a better place now to go to fcbc and serve there. I'm glad. Glad that I know where I'm supposed to be and that God has been faithful in leading me here.

Golden State Warriors and the Church

My first Warriors game was in 1999. We played the Sonics. I remember I was excited after we won that game because the Sonics were actually ranked #1 on Kobe Bryant's NBA Courtside on n64. Back in those days, John Starks was the Stephen Jackson and I remember him hoisting up three threes in a row. He missed the first two but made the last one and he threw his arms up in the air to pump up the crowd...
Back then, Bimbo Coles ran the point, Antawn Jamison was a rookie, and Donyell Marshall was our best player. There was no Roaracle, no "We Believe." If you were a Warriors fan in the 90s, that says something about you. It says that you know how to persevere, how to tolerate pain, and it means that you're probably a little irrational. But to be a Warriors fan in the 90s meant something.
And then "We Believe" happened... I'm not hating on our playoff run, but it changed things. All of the sudden, everyone at school was wearing JRich and Baron jerseys, nerds started talking about the games, and even girls were getting on the hype... something wasn't right. It simply wasn't fair. Just because you're wearing a throwback Warriors jersey and your MySpace says that Monta's your "boo" doesn't mean that you're a legit fan!! You never suffered through the years of Jason Caffey and Chris Mills!! You never fell in love with Adonal Foyle!! And you don't know the pain of watching Vince get ROY when Antawn gets an embarrassing All-Rookie 2nd team alongside Michael Olowakandi...
Do you consider yourself a Warriors fan? Examine yourself. Do you remember when the Warriors used to play on Channel 36 (6 for you kids who had cable)? Do you remember Vonteego? Mookie? Muggsy? Terry Cummings? Jimmy Jackson? Do you remember the hope of Musselman? The pain of Mike Montgomery? ... That's what I thought.

The Church is the same way, you know? There was a time when being a Christian meant something. When, if you claimed that title, people looked at you funny. It meant that you were a radical, a troublemaker, and that you were probably a little irrational. The early church actually had integrity. When everyone deserted the city because of plague, Christians were the ones to stay behind and take care of and even become the sick. Christians were those guys who sold their possessions and shared their wealth. Christians were the ones going to jail for standing against the government... back in the day, being a Christian said a lot about a person.
And then Constantine happened... He made Christianity into the national religion and soon enough, everyone and their moms was on that Christianity hype. It lost its original meaning; these newcomers had no idea what it meant to follow Jesus. They kinda just jumped on late and enjoyed the ride. They didn't know what it was like to suffer at the hands of emperors, to get thrown into jail, to join the poor, or to be martyred for their faith. They just said, "we believe."
And I think the church is still trying to recover. I have a hard time hearing facts like, one third of the world is Christian. I wanna believe it, but I just don't know. I don't even know about myself sometimes. I think if Jesus or Paul had a church today, it would be a lot smaller than we would like to think. But these days, church is all about good music, flat panel tvs on the sides that don't add anything to the service, and pastors that serve as part-time comedians. It's all about getting bigger and better--more people, bigger venue, more lights, more talent... pretty soon God gets pushed out of his own service because we're so concerned with making a production.
Do you consider yourself a Christian? Examine yourself.

Jesus Camp

Have you ever seen the documentary Jesus Camp? Well you should. It's actually a great movie. The whole thing is free on Google video last time I checked. Got an hour to spare? Go watch it right now. Do it. I'm not even kidding. Go.

Wasn't that a great movie? Aren't you glad you took my advice and watched it right now? You're welcome. Well, if you were lamezors and didn't take my advice, Jesus Camp is pretty much a documentary about a Christian camp in North Dakota where kids speak in tongues and do all sorts of crazy christian stuff and the pastor preaches a lot of conservative political talk under the guise of christianity. Ehh, it would make more sense if you just watched it.

One of my favorite lines in the movie was when the pastor lady was talking about Harry Potter and then said something like this: "Warlocks are enemies of God! If Harry Potter was alive in the Old Testament he would have been put to death!!" haha. I put that clip up on my myspace once as a joke. I wonder if anyone thought I was serious...

Anyways, the reason I bring it up is because I just came back from Jesus camp! Well, my Jesus camp (we call it youthcamp) wasn't as intense as the one in the movie, but it's still an interesting experience. This was my first year as a counselor after four years as a camper. Basically what we do is spend a week away in a woodsy camp and do christian stuff. Sounds like fun huh? haha. We actually do a lot of hanging out and playing games too, to keep things interesting.

To be honest, the week was great. I loooove the people there and seeing the way God works is amazing. It was tough, however, having younger kids. I forgot what it was like to be in 7th or 8th grade... one of them said straight up, "I don't really care about learning about God, I just want to have fun" haha. And I guess that made me think about my role as their counselor. A bunch of them already know all the bible stories, they go to church, they know that God loves them and that he sent his son to die, blah blah blah. And I went with the goal of teaching them things that they may not have heard before... but somewhere towards the middle of the week I thought, "what's the best way I can love these kids?" and the answer came to me, "just have fun with them." so I did. And it was great.

I mean, it's not that I stopped trying to teach them stuff, I just changed my focus. Aaand yeah. I've thought about it before... this whole thing about kids going to church camps... get all on that spiritual high... is it good for them? I dunno. At some point they just start to worship an emotion or a praise band... they just think that being close with God means feeling happy. Church camp seems like the perfect way to compartmentalize a spiritual life and your "normal" everyday life, as if camp is the only place where we can feel close to God. I'm pretty sure it's not indoctrination, but it's getting there.

Yeah ok so that was my cynical rant for the day. But there is hope. God answers prayer. The one defining thing that I took away from youthcamp this year--we need to be real with one another. I am hard pressed to think of another time where I have seen people be so real, honest, uncensored, and raw in a christian community. I hope and pray that this is not a temporary thing; the church NEEDS this. I'm tired of christians; what the church needs is real people.

So those were some highlights of camp. Oh, and an incident with a massive amount of bees, but that shall be (or bee, ha ha ha) for another post. Well, the summer is coming to a close. I must say, I have learned a lot these past three months. First there was China, then daycamp, then youthcamp. I pretty much didn't accomplish any of what I had planned, but God doesn't seem to enjoy going with my plans. It was good though. I'm not quite looking forward to going back to Berkeley, but I know that I'll start to enjoy it again once I get back. This post was a little all over the place, but thank you for reading. The end.

The Unlikely Disciple

Yup, it's that time again. Time for me to write a review/free promo for a book! This time, it's The Unlikely Disciple, by Kevin Roose. Now, this book doesn't quite fit the mold of other books I have famously reviewed--namely, The Irresistible Revolution and The Heavenly Man--but it will nonetheless go down on the imaginary list of "Nate's Favorite/Most Influential Books" aka his facebook profile.
The reason it doesn't fit the mold is because, well, this book is not a Christian book. Yes, I first found it in the Christian section at Borders, and yes, it is almost entirely about Christian culture. But Roose himself is not Christian and, unlike most of the books I read nowadays, this book doesn't suggest that I live a certain way, it doesn't make any attempt to teach me about God, and its author has yet to graduate from college. In spite of--and maybe because of--these reasons, The Unlikely Disciple is one of the most interesting and well-written books I've come across in my short literary lifespan. I highly recommend it to Christians and not-so-Christians alike.
First, a brief synopsis: So Roose is a college sophomore at Brown University, a very liberal Ivy League school that I imagine to be kinda like Berkeley. He decides to spend a semester "abroad" at Liberty University, the evangelical Christian center of America, founded by Rev. Jerry Falwell, pretty much the pioneer of right-wing, ultra-conservative Christianity. Roose is not religious, he parties every weekend, and he's pretty liberal--you know, the life of a normal guy. So you can imagine the kinds of things he encounters at Liberty--antigay attitudes, Christian culture, crazy rules (no cussing, no dancing, no r-rated movies), creationism classes, bible classes, and the list goes on.
And besides the fact that the book is really really well-written and funny, Roose's reflections on Christian culture provokes a lot of thought, at least for me. Though often critical of right-wing ideology, Roose is rarely judgmental. He speaks fondly of prayer, of worship services, of the (sometimes misdirected) compassion of his friends. He ends up loving the people around him and appreciating a lot about faith.
I think it was good for me to read this book at this point in whatever spiritual journey I'm on. I think I've become so critical of religion and Christian culture that I'm beginning to lose sight of what faith is all about. I've grown to used to "fighting the system" that I may have thrown a few punches at the faith behind the system as well. And as much as I agree with Roose on his level-headed thoughts in regards to evangelical sentiment on homosexuality, abortion, and conversion (among other things), I cannot help but envy and admire the way he describes their commitment to prayer, to bible reading, and to other spiritual disciplines... things that I've quickly overlooked as I've convinced myself that the best way to understanding Jesus is via intellectualism. I sometimes worry that I've become arrogant in the way I see religion, that I'm too good, too strong of a person to be swayed by demands of a pastor or a church. There's a part of me that believes a bit of distance from religious institution is healthy. There's another part that wishes I could just go with the flow without questioning, that I could enjoy all the church activities like a blind sheep--it would certainly be much easier. It's a thin line between healthy criticism and paralyzing cynicism and I feel like I'm on a tightrope, but I still hope that I never just "settle" into the patterns of religion or church. I don't wanna be written off as a newly independent Berkeley student who, inevitably, would come back after his sophomore year and question things. I always want to question things. Not for the sake of questioning, and not even because part of me enjoys being a self-proclaimed black sheep, but because a little distance is healthy, and I hope I always stay true to my own convictions even if my church disagrees...
Wow, did that get into a rant or what? Sorry. I think it's because I recently had another talk with my pastor about some of my thoughts about our church. And then today she gave a sermon about being judgmental... I will admit, it was a good sermon--probably the first sermon I've been completely attentive to in awhile--but I know it was a response to the talk we had earlier in the week. Of course, she was quick to say, "It wasn't all about you!" to me as we passed by after service, but I just keep getting this idea that she thinks I'm just in a phase and that my opinions will pass away and that I'll eventually become a normal, passive Chinese churchgoer. God forbid.
Anyways, to wrap up this book review that has somehow turned into a valleygirl rant--The Unlikely Disciple=great book. If you're a Christian, it'll make you think about the things you do, the ideas you believe in, and the way you are perceived by people outside the bubble. Basically, what Roose does is bring the two worlds together. The biggest reason for intolerance and prejudice is a simple lack of exposure between two parties. This book bridges (or at least lessens the distance between) two very different worlds and it definitely makes you think. And it's funny. Get it. Or ask me to borrow it.
So until next book, take care <3

Questions and Answers

There comes a point in faith where you begin to question, criticize, and rethink the things you have taken for granted for so long. To summarize a year of craziness, fun, learning, doubt, and struggle, this is what it has boiled down to: The Jesus that I have known for the past 5 years will not suffice.

At our church daycamp, we sing a song creatively named "The Box Song." I really used to like this song. It goes something like: "If I had a little white box to put my Jesus in, I'd take him out and *kisskisskiss* and share him with a friend" And then there was a very violent second verse that went "But if I had a little black box to put the Devil in, I'd take him out and SMASH HIS HEAD and put him back again" of course, including smashing hand motions (which was my favorite part). But when I look at that song now, I see more and more how Jesus has broken out of that box that I've put him in, how my understanding of God has expanded to such an extent that he no longer fits within church walls, emotional retreats, or even myself.

Which leads me to revisit an old topic. I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday and we got to the topic of church. He's a pastor's kid who currently isn't sure if he believes in God. He doesn't go to church anymore and he does stuff that good Christian kids aren't supposed to do. Which led me to a question I've been asking for a long time now, What's wrong with church? Or more specifically, What's wrong with San Francisco Asian American churches? Or even more specifically, What's wrong with my church?

This past Christmas break, I made it a goal to come home for church more. Not because I grow more there, not because I like going home, not because I can pick up a green onion bun at the store down the street, but more as a symbolic statement that yes, I, Nathan Lee, still want to be a part of this community in spite of the problems that I see in it and that I am not leaving this church behind even though I disagree with some of the things they do. And I'm glad I made that commitment. However, a symbolic step will not produce change. What, then, is the next step?

Well, the first step I think is to become a church member. I was getting pissy about this earlier on in the year because I was like, "Oh why do I have to become a member since I've been going to this church for like 5 years, blah blah" and yes, I still feel this way. But if it is the first tangible step to getting into the meetings and actually being heard, then I will sit through the classes and jump through the hoops to get there. Ugh.

But how do you change minds? What is my goal? I know something is wrong, but do I know what the solution is? ... I think it would be naive to think I can change a church. I think it would arrogant to say I want a church to see things the way I see them.

What I believe to be the biggest problem at FCBC and other SF AznAmerican churches is the lack of questioning, the lack of independent thinking, the lack of criticizing. Jesus never called us to blindly accept things, he never told us to remain silent, he never told us to be complacent. The problem with church is that it tries to provide answers to everything, but Christianity was never about answers. Jesus' answers were always questions because questions bring freedom and point to God, as in, we don't have to know everything. Not as a cop-out, but as in, this Christianity thing is a process, and we gotta learn and make mistakes and grow together. Church makes the solution to be "read your bible more" or "come to church more," which are not bad things, but which are wrong. We shouldn't read our bibles more, we should practice our bibles more. We know what's in there, we've been learning it since we were doing fractions and trading Pokemon cards. But the bible means nothing to us until we see it in action and see promises being fulfilled. And we shouldn't come to church more, we should be the church more. We shouldn't talk about how we come, but how we go. The church gotta be on the move, or else it's just useless.

When we begin to learn how to question, we will grow. We gotta find our voice! This is how I hope change will happen. Ok this post was too long. Sincerest apologies. Happy summer!

OOOBAMAAA!

School has begun. Back to the grind. But before I do that, time to blog!

This past Monday, I met with my pastor. I told her what I thought about our church. I told her how comfortable I thought everything was and how I wanted to see that change. And I guess I just shared with her my recent thoughts about money, materialism, ministry, and stuff of that sort. I don't think I ever really had the chance to talk to her face to face about stuff before, and I forgot how wise she was haha.Basically, this is what I got from our talk:

1. In regards to the church, she pretty much agreed with me about how comfortable everything was. She said the problem with churches is that big mega churches grow so much because they have all the talented people--pro worship leaders, great pastors, leaders, etc--but at the same time, you become just another face in the crowd, as opposed to smaller churches (like FCBC and every other SF Chinese church), where everyone knows each other pretty intimately, but you get mediocre worship leaders and blah pastors haha. Ok, maybe she didn't say it like that, but that was the jist. She also pointed out that, because FCBC is a generational church--that is, you might have grandparents, parents, and kids all from the same family at our church--sometimes you can see why some of the youth are so lukewarm, because their parents' faith is the same way... Basically, she agreed with me that things weren't quite right, but I think she really reminded me the importance of trusting God. Yeah, it kinda sounds like a copout, but the way she said it was a lot more profound haha. I think I've become very arrogant and self-centered about my views of God, saying, "God, show me this, show me that. If you'd only do these things, then so many people would believe" acting like I know what's best when he's telling me to be patient. Idk. Chris O was quick to humble me.
2. In regards to money, materialism, and ministry, Chris O was also quick to point out some of my mistakes. Basically, what I got from her is this: to each man his own. I asked her about how Christians should spend their money, what kind of lives they should live, how they should serve, how much they should give, if they can live comfortable lives... Essentially she reminded me that God calls each of us differently, that there is no such thing as "A Christian should..." --Now I agree to a certain extent, but I think this is debatable. I believe that there is a standard that we as Christians should live up to, but I also agree that we are not all called to live in the ghetto to serve the poor and some of us are called to live in the suburbs and drive nice cars. Who knows? I don't. But I think the point is that God can do the judging. If my pastor is rollin on dubs in his Escalade, it's not for me to decide if he's living a Godly life. And I think there is freedom knowing that we have so much freedom in serving God.

Yeah... overall, Chris O was really really honest with me and I appreciated that a lot. Some of the stuff I listed above might be my interpretation of what she said, so take it with a grain of salt. If you have questions for Chris O, you should ask her :) But I think it was good to talk to her. Mostly when I would share these things with other people, I would mostly just get agreement, but I'm glad Chris O was quick to drop some wisdom on me and humble me a little bit.

I think my thoughts about God can be measured up in this:
Matthew 47:22-23 says,

42"He saved others," they said, "but he can't save himself! He's the King of Israel! Let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him. 43He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now if he wants him, for he said, 'I am the Son of God.' "

... Just imagine what would have happened if Jesus came down from the cross right there. While the soldiers and people crucifying Jesus were shouting, "If you're really the son of God, then you'll come down!" Imagine if Jesus said, "Ok, you know what, I am the son of God, let me show you" and he came down from the cross... Dude, all the people there for sure would have believed in Jesus after that. Like dude, why wouldn't Jesus take the opportunity?? I just feel like that's what it's been like... I know that God can do amazing things, but he isn't, and I don't know why. I'm saying, "God, if you're real, then show yourself, do a miracle, do crazy stuff--you have such a great opportunity!" and God is just like "Nate, be patient. I know it looks like it would be good if I did crazy stuff now, but I promise things will get even crazier if I show myself at a later time." In the Gospel, that crazier thing was Jesus rising from the dead. In real life right now, I have no clue what God has in store. But I gotta trust that whatever he has in plan is gonna be ridiculous.

Shoutout to Vansen, my roommie, who just got a new iPhone. And Samuelle, reppin the Urban School right.
... I still have so many questions. But I think I've come a long way since my badmouth high school days. I have a long way to go though.

And last but not least,
OOOOOOBAAAMMAAAAAAAAA!!!

We Believe!

So in another tab I have my email open. I'm writing an email to my pastor. So far, I've typed out her (yee that's right, we have a female pastor. Whuh?) email address and the words, "Hey Chris" (yee that's right, she has a male name. Whuh?... jk it's really Christine, but we tight like that) and then I got writer's block. Or maybe it's my chronic pansynitis kicking in again.
See, I'm trying to arrange a meeting with her for this upcoming Sunday, maybe just to talk about some stuff about where the church is going and hopefully share some of my thoughts about the church. But every time I think about it, it's just like, wtheck am I really gonna say?? I mean, she's my pastor for goodness sake. "Oh hey Chris, I was just thinking the other day, 'Wow, our church is pretty wack! Don't you agree?'" I might as well slap her in the face and knock over all the papers on her desk.
And of course, I won't just leave it at that... "Oh our church sucks" because it really doesn't. But I just wanna induce some constructive discussion nahhmean? yafimme? Still though, I find it quite the arduous task to write her an email saying, "Oh I just have some concerns about the church." Like... who am I? Some college sophomore scrub jabroni who thinks he can make changes in this 120 year old church.
Anyways, hopefully by blogging about it, I'll have to finish the email, since I already wrote about it and it would be stupid to announce it to the whole world (or the 4 people who read this) and never do it. That would indeed be buffoonery.

Anyways, onto more pressing topics. That stupid email topic took up four short paragraphs. Emburressin... Stay with me though!
So I've ventured down the river from my Irresistible Revolution days and I am now swimming amidst the verbal waters of a literary genius by the name of Brother Yun. (dang that sentence was deep and metaphorical) And don't hate on Brother Yun because he has a foolish name. That's messed up. Actually, to correct myself, he is not a literary genuis. He's just your average Asian.His book that I'm trying to read right now is called The Heavenly Man. Again, I know it sounds stupid, but it's really interesting. A supposedly true story about the underground church in China during Mao's communist regime. The book. is. loaded. with. miracles! Of him having visions, having those visions fulfilled, him escaping the police, him scaling walls, running miles within minutes, the list goes on. And I'm only past the first 80 pages of this 350+pg book. Ridiculoso. Anyways, it got Nathan thinking, where are today's miracles?
I mentioned in an earlier post that Shane Claiborne's argument is that we really shelter ourselves from seeing any miracles because we rarely need them. Food, medicine, housing... these are all things we have easy access to without transcendental assistance. And plus, Jesus reprimands the people who ask for a miracle... But dang dude. I really wanna see a one. I really wanna have a vision from God.
So far in my life, I have only witnessed one miracle.And that was freakin glorious. But I want to see another one. This time, something more substantial maybe... Of course, I've had answered prayers. Big prayers, too, that seemed very very unlikely. And I will be one of those people who attest to the little miracles of everyday life. But you know what I mean though. I wanna see a big one. That I know was from God. Like if one day I woke up and was 5'11. Miracle. That would be awesome. Add that to the prayer request list.
Sometimes I just feel like we worship a shadow of the God we really profess to follow. We take so few risks that we can never really witness the power we claim him to possess and we can never truly know how wonderful and faithful our God is until we actually need to trust him.
I don't wanna assume anything about God, that he can work a miracle in this or that part of my life, but I do wanna pray big prayers and take risks for this God that I've heard so much about for the past five or so years. I wanna see and be a part of something amazing that God is doing. I wanna see people healed. I wanna see the Good News be good again. I wanna see nonbelievers seeing how crazy things are with those Jesus freaks... Is it ok for me to want these things? Maybe I'm just lacking faith. Maybe, like those people in the Gospels, I'm just begging for a miracle. Maybe Jesus is getting frustrated with me. Blessed are those who have not seen and still believe. Maybe I just wanna know who this real God is.
We worship a God that is capable of these things. I know he is. He's gotta be. I wanna know this God for who he is and not for who the church makes him out to be.
So what do you think? Do miracles still happen? Are there conditions where they happen more often?

modern day miracle?
http://www.shauninthecity.com/blog/2008/09/i-experienced-a.html

Here Comes the Bride

Aww yeeeuhh that's right. You saw the title of this post and now you wanna know all the juicy secrets about the numerous females in my life. And let me assure you, there are numerous. Unfortunately for you, that's not what this post is about. Of course not, because Nate always writes about Christiany things and a post about girls would just make him out to be a douchebaggy loser who creeps on girls. That, my friend, is an incorrect assumption. But a correct assumption is that this post is about something Christiany. I apologize. And as much as I wish my bride could be this dimepiece:I actually have something important to say about her:No, that's not my Chinese school. It's my church! I know she ain't much to look at, but I still love her. But yeah, in the Bible the church is referred to as God's Bride. It's also called God's Body, and I was planning on making the title of this post something having to do with my body (maybe something like, Thoughts About My Body), but I didn't think that would be very tasteful. Anyways, I go to a church in San Francisco called First Chinese Baptist Church. Chinatown represent!
And let me start off by saying this: I love my church. But I have problems with it. And that's what I need to talk about. Writing about Fcbc is one of the reasons I wanted to make this blog. Doing something about Fcbc, however, is something that I need to do more than write about. But that's something that will take more work...
So the thing I love about Fcbc is the people. This is my family. Yes, we have cliques. Yes, we say mean things. Yes, I still avoid some people. But this is where God put me. But the thing that worries me about Fcbc is that no one is being challenged. Fcbc is a comfortable church that would never call anyone out or make someone rethink their faith. We love saying things like "read your Bible" and "spend time with God," but after almost 4 years of Sundays, I don't remember one single time that I left church changed. I don't remember any sermons. I don't remember ever feeling convicted to do anything for the sake of the gospel. As I'm learning more and more about who Jesus is from my own experiences and resources, I'm beginning to see that Jesus was not a comfortable person to be around. When I'm at church, I hear a message, but instead of hitting me hard like the Rock:the messages are more like Golddust:hahaha. Freakin hurt.
But for you non wwf kids, what I mean is that the messages at Fcbc are all so blah. There's nothing to wrestle with, nothing that convicts, challenges, or offends. I love our pastors, but I'm tired of all the sugar-coating. It makes everyone numb to what is supposed to be a transformative Word.
I'm not sure what I would think of Fcbc if I was visiting for the first time. I remember one service, (what I think was) a homeless guy came in and sat down. First of all, that kinda stuff NEVER happens at our church. But it did this one time. And I don't wanna assume things, but the lady sitting next to him (a very solid church member) stood up and moved... !!! Like wtf, right? I'm pretty sure that's the opposite of the gospel. Our youth service was cancelled and has now joined forces with our young adult/college service. I think it's because numbers were too low... Again, I don't wanna assume things, but I'm not so sure if our church is very open to newcomers. They just make us too... uncomfortable.
I am afraid that my friends at Fcbc, especially those who are younger, will get used to this idea of Christianity as something that can coexist easily with every other aspect of life and that will never challenge the way they live or think or act. I am afraid that Fcbc is giving off a false image of who God is, that he doesn't challenge us to live to a much higher standard. I do not see very much passion at Fcbc. And I don't think it's because there are no passionate people, but it's the fact that we're not seeing God move in our church because we won't take any risks for him.
Well, I'm afraid this post is getting into the realm of a complaining session rather than anything constructive. So, this is post is mainly for those of you to attend Fcbc. Please, I would love to hear from you. Agree? Disagree? I think you can leave a comment regardless of whether you have an account or not... And for those of you nonFcbc-ers who may be reading this, if you have something to say, please say it. I apologize if this was an annoying rant and if you found any of it offensive. But it's how I feel. Yee.
Lastly, I don't want to make it seem like I'm above any of this. My failings as a Christian far outweigh the failings of this church. But as God is transforming me, I expect the rest of the Body be transformed as well. I want to make a difference at Fcbc. Not sure how, but I want to. I'm not gonna leave, since this is my family. Dysfunctional, but still my family. That is all.