Psychology and Faith

I'm a psych major.

That means when I first met you, I could already tell what kind of person you were because you had your hands in your pockets, you scratched your right cheek every time you talked about your roommate, and you licked your lips every once in awhile, which meant that you were physically attracted to me. There's empirical research to back that last one up.

One big thing that you take away as a psych major, especially if you take a class like social psych, is that the mind is a very powerful and, at the same time, a very feeble thing. Powerful in the sense that it can control so much of your behavior without you even knowing and feeble in the sense that it can be altered so easily and so subtly... take, for example, studies done on mental priming or subliminal thought.

There was a study done on young adults to test the power of mental priming. So they would tell the participant to form a sentence using words from a word bank. The control group would receive a word bank with neutral words, maybe something like, "paper; on; sits; desk" and the sentence would be "The paper sits on the desk." The experimental group, however, would be

primed with old people words like "wrinkles" or "arthritis" or "Florida" haha. And then they made the sentence with those words. After they submitted their sentences, the researchers timed the participants on how long it took them to walk down the hall and out of the building. Crazy thing is, the participants who were primed with the old people words took a significantly longer time to exit the building than the control group. Conclusion: the old people words primed them to feel old, so they walked slower, like old people do! Crazy.

There are other amazing studies. A picture can flash on my computer screen so quickly that my brain can't even process it, and it can still profoundly affect my behavior. I can be convinced that 2+2=5 if there are enough people around me that believe it's true... that one's pretty intense. Maybe you know where this is going...

These studies show me one thing: the mind can be manipulated and molded in so many ways that we don't even notice or understand. The way we act and behave, what we believe, the smallest everyday decisions we make are all influenced by small and seemingly insignificant things we come across in our lives. It's scary if you think about it too much.

I was thinking about the idea of Truth. If the mind is such a fragile thing, how can anyone claim rights to complete Truth? The religious right might believe that they have a monopoly on truth the same way the Catholic church might believe that they have a monopoly on truth the same way the Mormon church, the same way the most evil man in the world... Truth seems so relative when I take into consideration all the ways the mind can be manipulated and even tricked. I know very well how easy it is to jump right on board with an eloquent preacher, a captivating worship song, or a feel-good message. These things aren't bad, but they do, to an extent, mold your mind more and more into... something--whether that something is right or wrong is another question.

If you know me, you know that my mind is often filled with doubts and questions like these. I fear the manipulative power of organized religion. I really do. I've seen Jesus Camp. That shizz is scary. I sometimes question myself, if I've somehow allowed myself to get lost in this fog. If I'm just living in some state of ignorance or self-delusion, if this whole faith thing is just something I fell into that I'm now trying to convince myself is the real deal. I think what makes it harder is that many Christians just seem so sure, as if certainty was the prerequisite for spiritual maturity. Let your doubts be buried; trust more, pray more, and then God will work. I hold tight to spiritual giants like Mother Teresa and Martin Luther who could not separate their unfailing obedience to God with their most damning doubts.

If there is anything that keeps me grounded, though, it is the homeless refugee bastard baby Jesus Christ (bastard bc he didn't have an earthly father. I ain't being disrespectful!). To me, Jesus is so captivating a person, such a pure embodiment of--yes--Truth, that I cannot remain unchanged by the life he lived. I still have my questions about the Old Testament, about the Holy Spirit, about Paul's letters, about the present day church, but as long as I know that Jesus is the center of this entire thing, I know that there is something here worth living for. All human manipulation and distortion cannot change the person of Jesus. On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand.

The Unlikely Disciple

Yup, it's that time again. Time for me to write a review/free promo for a book! This time, it's The Unlikely Disciple, by Kevin Roose. Now, this book doesn't quite fit the mold of other books I have famously reviewed--namely, The Irresistible Revolution and The Heavenly Man--but it will nonetheless go down on the imaginary list of "Nate's Favorite/Most Influential Books" aka his facebook profile.
The reason it doesn't fit the mold is because, well, this book is not a Christian book. Yes, I first found it in the Christian section at Borders, and yes, it is almost entirely about Christian culture. But Roose himself is not Christian and, unlike most of the books I read nowadays, this book doesn't suggest that I live a certain way, it doesn't make any attempt to teach me about God, and its author has yet to graduate from college. In spite of--and maybe because of--these reasons, The Unlikely Disciple is one of the most interesting and well-written books I've come across in my short literary lifespan. I highly recommend it to Christians and not-so-Christians alike.
First, a brief synopsis: So Roose is a college sophomore at Brown University, a very liberal Ivy League school that I imagine to be kinda like Berkeley. He decides to spend a semester "abroad" at Liberty University, the evangelical Christian center of America, founded by Rev. Jerry Falwell, pretty much the pioneer of right-wing, ultra-conservative Christianity. Roose is not religious, he parties every weekend, and he's pretty liberal--you know, the life of a normal guy. So you can imagine the kinds of things he encounters at Liberty--antigay attitudes, Christian culture, crazy rules (no cussing, no dancing, no r-rated movies), creationism classes, bible classes, and the list goes on.
And besides the fact that the book is really really well-written and funny, Roose's reflections on Christian culture provokes a lot of thought, at least for me. Though often critical of right-wing ideology, Roose is rarely judgmental. He speaks fondly of prayer, of worship services, of the (sometimes misdirected) compassion of his friends. He ends up loving the people around him and appreciating a lot about faith.
I think it was good for me to read this book at this point in whatever spiritual journey I'm on. I think I've become so critical of religion and Christian culture that I'm beginning to lose sight of what faith is all about. I've grown to used to "fighting the system" that I may have thrown a few punches at the faith behind the system as well. And as much as I agree with Roose on his level-headed thoughts in regards to evangelical sentiment on homosexuality, abortion, and conversion (among other things), I cannot help but envy and admire the way he describes their commitment to prayer, to bible reading, and to other spiritual disciplines... things that I've quickly overlooked as I've convinced myself that the best way to understanding Jesus is via intellectualism. I sometimes worry that I've become arrogant in the way I see religion, that I'm too good, too strong of a person to be swayed by demands of a pastor or a church. There's a part of me that believes a bit of distance from religious institution is healthy. There's another part that wishes I could just go with the flow without questioning, that I could enjoy all the church activities like a blind sheep--it would certainly be much easier. It's a thin line between healthy criticism and paralyzing cynicism and I feel like I'm on a tightrope, but I still hope that I never just "settle" into the patterns of religion or church. I don't wanna be written off as a newly independent Berkeley student who, inevitably, would come back after his sophomore year and question things. I always want to question things. Not for the sake of questioning, and not even because part of me enjoys being a self-proclaimed black sheep, but because a little distance is healthy, and I hope I always stay true to my own convictions even if my church disagrees...
Wow, did that get into a rant or what? Sorry. I think it's because I recently had another talk with my pastor about some of my thoughts about our church. And then today she gave a sermon about being judgmental... I will admit, it was a good sermon--probably the first sermon I've been completely attentive to in awhile--but I know it was a response to the talk we had earlier in the week. Of course, she was quick to say, "It wasn't all about you!" to me as we passed by after service, but I just keep getting this idea that she thinks I'm just in a phase and that my opinions will pass away and that I'll eventually become a normal, passive Chinese churchgoer. God forbid.
Anyways, to wrap up this book review that has somehow turned into a valleygirl rant--The Unlikely Disciple=great book. If you're a Christian, it'll make you think about the things you do, the ideas you believe in, and the way you are perceived by people outside the bubble. Basically, what Roose does is bring the two worlds together. The biggest reason for intolerance and prejudice is a simple lack of exposure between two parties. This book bridges (or at least lessens the distance between) two very different worlds and it definitely makes you think. And it's funny. Get it. Or ask me to borrow it.
So until next book, take care <3

Questions and Answers

There comes a point in faith where you begin to question, criticize, and rethink the things you have taken for granted for so long. To summarize a year of craziness, fun, learning, doubt, and struggle, this is what it has boiled down to: The Jesus that I have known for the past 5 years will not suffice.

At our church daycamp, we sing a song creatively named "The Box Song." I really used to like this song. It goes something like: "If I had a little white box to put my Jesus in, I'd take him out and *kisskisskiss* and share him with a friend" And then there was a very violent second verse that went "But if I had a little black box to put the Devil in, I'd take him out and SMASH HIS HEAD and put him back again" of course, including smashing hand motions (which was my favorite part). But when I look at that song now, I see more and more how Jesus has broken out of that box that I've put him in, how my understanding of God has expanded to such an extent that he no longer fits within church walls, emotional retreats, or even myself.

Which leads me to revisit an old topic. I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday and we got to the topic of church. He's a pastor's kid who currently isn't sure if he believes in God. He doesn't go to church anymore and he does stuff that good Christian kids aren't supposed to do. Which led me to a question I've been asking for a long time now, What's wrong with church? Or more specifically, What's wrong with San Francisco Asian American churches? Or even more specifically, What's wrong with my church?

This past Christmas break, I made it a goal to come home for church more. Not because I grow more there, not because I like going home, not because I can pick up a green onion bun at the store down the street, but more as a symbolic statement that yes, I, Nathan Lee, still want to be a part of this community in spite of the problems that I see in it and that I am not leaving this church behind even though I disagree with some of the things they do. And I'm glad I made that commitment. However, a symbolic step will not produce change. What, then, is the next step?

Well, the first step I think is to become a church member. I was getting pissy about this earlier on in the year because I was like, "Oh why do I have to become a member since I've been going to this church for like 5 years, blah blah" and yes, I still feel this way. But if it is the first tangible step to getting into the meetings and actually being heard, then I will sit through the classes and jump through the hoops to get there. Ugh.

But how do you change minds? What is my goal? I know something is wrong, but do I know what the solution is? ... I think it would be naive to think I can change a church. I think it would arrogant to say I want a church to see things the way I see them.

What I believe to be the biggest problem at FCBC and other SF AznAmerican churches is the lack of questioning, the lack of independent thinking, the lack of criticizing. Jesus never called us to blindly accept things, he never told us to remain silent, he never told us to be complacent. The problem with church is that it tries to provide answers to everything, but Christianity was never about answers. Jesus' answers were always questions because questions bring freedom and point to God, as in, we don't have to know everything. Not as a cop-out, but as in, this Christianity thing is a process, and we gotta learn and make mistakes and grow together. Church makes the solution to be "read your bible more" or "come to church more," which are not bad things, but which are wrong. We shouldn't read our bibles more, we should practice our bibles more. We know what's in there, we've been learning it since we were doing fractions and trading Pokemon cards. But the bible means nothing to us until we see it in action and see promises being fulfilled. And we shouldn't come to church more, we should be the church more. We shouldn't talk about how we come, but how we go. The church gotta be on the move, or else it's just useless.

When we begin to learn how to question, we will grow. We gotta find our voice! This is how I hope change will happen. Ok this post was too long. Sincerest apologies. Happy summer!