Jesus Camp

Have you ever seen the documentary Jesus Camp? Well you should. It's actually a great movie. The whole thing is free on Google video last time I checked. Got an hour to spare? Go watch it right now. Do it. I'm not even kidding. Go.

Wasn't that a great movie? Aren't you glad you took my advice and watched it right now? You're welcome. Well, if you were lamezors and didn't take my advice, Jesus Camp is pretty much a documentary about a Christian camp in North Dakota where kids speak in tongues and do all sorts of crazy christian stuff and the pastor preaches a lot of conservative political talk under the guise of christianity. Ehh, it would make more sense if you just watched it.

One of my favorite lines in the movie was when the pastor lady was talking about Harry Potter and then said something like this: "Warlocks are enemies of God! If Harry Potter was alive in the Old Testament he would have been put to death!!" haha. I put that clip up on my myspace once as a joke. I wonder if anyone thought I was serious...

Anyways, the reason I bring it up is because I just came back from Jesus camp! Well, my Jesus camp (we call it youthcamp) wasn't as intense as the one in the movie, but it's still an interesting experience. This was my first year as a counselor after four years as a camper. Basically what we do is spend a week away in a woodsy camp and do christian stuff. Sounds like fun huh? haha. We actually do a lot of hanging out and playing games too, to keep things interesting.

To be honest, the week was great. I loooove the people there and seeing the way God works is amazing. It was tough, however, having younger kids. I forgot what it was like to be in 7th or 8th grade... one of them said straight up, "I don't really care about learning about God, I just want to have fun" haha. And I guess that made me think about my role as their counselor. A bunch of them already know all the bible stories, they go to church, they know that God loves them and that he sent his son to die, blah blah blah. And I went with the goal of teaching them things that they may not have heard before... but somewhere towards the middle of the week I thought, "what's the best way I can love these kids?" and the answer came to me, "just have fun with them." so I did. And it was great.

I mean, it's not that I stopped trying to teach them stuff, I just changed my focus. Aaand yeah. I've thought about it before... this whole thing about kids going to church camps... get all on that spiritual high... is it good for them? I dunno. At some point they just start to worship an emotion or a praise band... they just think that being close with God means feeling happy. Church camp seems like the perfect way to compartmentalize a spiritual life and your "normal" everyday life, as if camp is the only place where we can feel close to God. I'm pretty sure it's not indoctrination, but it's getting there.

Yeah ok so that was my cynical rant for the day. But there is hope. God answers prayer. The one defining thing that I took away from youthcamp this year--we need to be real with one another. I am hard pressed to think of another time where I have seen people be so real, honest, uncensored, and raw in a christian community. I hope and pray that this is not a temporary thing; the church NEEDS this. I'm tired of christians; what the church needs is real people.

So those were some highlights of camp. Oh, and an incident with a massive amount of bees, but that shall be (or bee, ha ha ha) for another post. Well, the summer is coming to a close. I must say, I have learned a lot these past three months. First there was China, then daycamp, then youthcamp. I pretty much didn't accomplish any of what I had planned, but God doesn't seem to enjoy going with my plans. It was good though. I'm not quite looking forward to going back to Berkeley, but I know that I'll start to enjoy it again once I get back. This post was a little all over the place, but thank you for reading. The end.

The Unlikely Disciple

Yup, it's that time again. Time for me to write a review/free promo for a book! This time, it's The Unlikely Disciple, by Kevin Roose. Now, this book doesn't quite fit the mold of other books I have famously reviewed--namely, The Irresistible Revolution and The Heavenly Man--but it will nonetheless go down on the imaginary list of "Nate's Favorite/Most Influential Books" aka his facebook profile.
The reason it doesn't fit the mold is because, well, this book is not a Christian book. Yes, I first found it in the Christian section at Borders, and yes, it is almost entirely about Christian culture. But Roose himself is not Christian and, unlike most of the books I read nowadays, this book doesn't suggest that I live a certain way, it doesn't make any attempt to teach me about God, and its author has yet to graduate from college. In spite of--and maybe because of--these reasons, The Unlikely Disciple is one of the most interesting and well-written books I've come across in my short literary lifespan. I highly recommend it to Christians and not-so-Christians alike.
First, a brief synopsis: So Roose is a college sophomore at Brown University, a very liberal Ivy League school that I imagine to be kinda like Berkeley. He decides to spend a semester "abroad" at Liberty University, the evangelical Christian center of America, founded by Rev. Jerry Falwell, pretty much the pioneer of right-wing, ultra-conservative Christianity. Roose is not religious, he parties every weekend, and he's pretty liberal--you know, the life of a normal guy. So you can imagine the kinds of things he encounters at Liberty--antigay attitudes, Christian culture, crazy rules (no cussing, no dancing, no r-rated movies), creationism classes, bible classes, and the list goes on.
And besides the fact that the book is really really well-written and funny, Roose's reflections on Christian culture provokes a lot of thought, at least for me. Though often critical of right-wing ideology, Roose is rarely judgmental. He speaks fondly of prayer, of worship services, of the (sometimes misdirected) compassion of his friends. He ends up loving the people around him and appreciating a lot about faith.
I think it was good for me to read this book at this point in whatever spiritual journey I'm on. I think I've become so critical of religion and Christian culture that I'm beginning to lose sight of what faith is all about. I've grown to used to "fighting the system" that I may have thrown a few punches at the faith behind the system as well. And as much as I agree with Roose on his level-headed thoughts in regards to evangelical sentiment on homosexuality, abortion, and conversion (among other things), I cannot help but envy and admire the way he describes their commitment to prayer, to bible reading, and to other spiritual disciplines... things that I've quickly overlooked as I've convinced myself that the best way to understanding Jesus is via intellectualism. I sometimes worry that I've become arrogant in the way I see religion, that I'm too good, too strong of a person to be swayed by demands of a pastor or a church. There's a part of me that believes a bit of distance from religious institution is healthy. There's another part that wishes I could just go with the flow without questioning, that I could enjoy all the church activities like a blind sheep--it would certainly be much easier. It's a thin line between healthy criticism and paralyzing cynicism and I feel like I'm on a tightrope, but I still hope that I never just "settle" into the patterns of religion or church. I don't wanna be written off as a newly independent Berkeley student who, inevitably, would come back after his sophomore year and question things. I always want to question things. Not for the sake of questioning, and not even because part of me enjoys being a self-proclaimed black sheep, but because a little distance is healthy, and I hope I always stay true to my own convictions even if my church disagrees...
Wow, did that get into a rant or what? Sorry. I think it's because I recently had another talk with my pastor about some of my thoughts about our church. And then today she gave a sermon about being judgmental... I will admit, it was a good sermon--probably the first sermon I've been completely attentive to in awhile--but I know it was a response to the talk we had earlier in the week. Of course, she was quick to say, "It wasn't all about you!" to me as we passed by after service, but I just keep getting this idea that she thinks I'm just in a phase and that my opinions will pass away and that I'll eventually become a normal, passive Chinese churchgoer. God forbid.
Anyways, to wrap up this book review that has somehow turned into a valleygirl rant--The Unlikely Disciple=great book. If you're a Christian, it'll make you think about the things you do, the ideas you believe in, and the way you are perceived by people outside the bubble. Basically, what Roose does is bring the two worlds together. The biggest reason for intolerance and prejudice is a simple lack of exposure between two parties. This book bridges (or at least lessens the distance between) two very different worlds and it definitely makes you think. And it's funny. Get it. Or ask me to borrow it.
So until next book, take care <3

China

China in pictures (and some words):
Our airplane. Reminded me of a Chinese delivery truck...

Bad omen. First thing they did when we landed in Beijing, scan us for fever with this gun thing they point at your forehead. Ten minutes later, this dude shows up, escorts some guy off the plane. Reminded me of Monsters Inc when that monster got the sock stuck to his back... And apologies for my noob status at manual focus.

This is my ngay gung, Uncle Steve to make things easier. He's my grandpa's brother. He's really cool. He's always trying to convince me to become a doctor, lawyer, or businessman, reminding me that psychologists and social workers don't make any money. I keep telling him that I don't wanna do much school, that I wanna help people, and that I don't really care about being rich. He just says, "If you get rich, then you can help a lot of people! That's what Bill Gates does!" But that's just how he is, he exudes this entrepreneural mentality (which is partly why he became successful in America). A big reason my dad wanted to go to China again was because last time we went (when I was 11), we were with my grandpa, who isn't a real talkative guy. Uncle Steve, on the other hand, is filled with stories and jokes, which he always follows with an unnecessarily high pitched, almost childlike laugh.

All three of these pictures are from hotels we stayed in. Bougie much? Since Uncle Steve has money, we always stayed at these 5-star hotels. Pretty nice, but I couldn't help feeling a strong undercurrent of irony as we constantly encountered poor people in the streets.

The restaurants in Beijing were terrible. Straight up tourist treatment. What kind of self-respecting Chinese restaurant serves french fries?? Insulting.

We visited four main places: Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, and Toisan. Our time in the first three cities were completely taken up by sightseeing. It was exhausting, just one place after another. This is a picture from a temple in Shanghai. For some reason, I just really like it. The way the monk guy is walking just makes me happy.

Another shot from some temple. Thizzin Buddha. One of my faves.

This is a picture from a famous temple in Guangzhou. A lot of people were there offering up prayers and incense. I kinda feel bad for taking a lot of pictures of them bowing and stuff, but not really. There's something beautiful about people worshipping, even if it's something you don't personally believe in.

That's my mom. We're on a boat on some river in Guangzhou. This was her first time to these parts of China. You can tell her Cantonese is getting rusty.

McDonald's in Shanghai. They have delivery! That is one cool backpack.

Antannas on an apartment building. Poor people gotta get their cable.

Real people doin real things, just trying to make ends meet. To me, this was more interesting than the sightseeing.

Toisan
Toisan was different. This is where my grandparents and older grew up. Uncle Steve and my grandpa donate a lot of money to this city. Primarily, they've given funds to build a community center and a school. As a result, we get treated like celebrities. Not even exaggerating. We also got a chance to see the old house where they grew up. Again, the irony... it's kinda like when rappers get rich and then visit the hood again. Ok well I'll just show the pictures.

Finally, some real food! Toisan had the best food. Don't drink the water though.

Fikes (fake Nikes) anyone?

These are REAL Chinamen from the village. Long nails, rotting teeth, no manners--that's how we do in Toisan. This is at the community center that some of my family paid for.

This is the old house where my grandparents grew up. It's freakin small. This is the biggest of three rooms. Two families live here. There's one faucet, one lightbulb, and I didn't see any toilets. There's been a lot of development in Toisan, but this house is pretty much exactly the same as I remember it eight years ago.

This is at the elementary school Uncle Steve donated to help build. These kids went crazy when they saw our cameras. Or maybe just the boys did.

In Toisan, money talks. We had people from the school always with us, willing to do anything for us, giving us special treatment only because Uncle Steve was a big donor. I believe he wrote two checks for them on this trip--one for $20,000 and another for $50,000. Ballin.

And what happens when you give hecka money to a school? They build a statue of you. Crazy huh?

And this last picture kinda just sums up the irony of the trip. At the end of our stay in Toisan, Uncle Steve held a banquet for a bunch of people from the village. This old lady sat at our table and took all the leftovers back in plastic bags (they don't have boxes in Toisan haha). She was thrilled when she found out she could take home the scraps, but I wasn't sure whether it was a happy sight or a kinda sad and pathetic one. But I couldn't get over the idea that in this big banquet there were a lot of poor people who probably didn't get meals like this, well, ever. And when we left the restaurant, it began to rain really hard. We headed to our air-conditioned van to go back to our bougie hotel while all the people from the village walked back to their houses in the rain.
On another note, my aunt, uncle, and two cousins got swine flu, which kinda put a damper on the trip. So they've been stuck in Beijing for the past two weeks. Two of them got released yesterday I heard, but two of them are still quarantined, so please pray for them. Scary stuff.
In the end, I guess it was a pretty good trip. I was trying to imagine what it would have been like growing up there, but it's too different. Less opportunity, less money, less comfort... I think we're all spoiled here in America. Maybe one day I'll go back, maybe I'll give some money so I can get a statue of myself too. Either way, I'm pretty sure my kids aren't gonna see much of this culture as they grow up. So sad. Maybe I'll take that Cantonese class...

How much of your culture do you still hold on to?

Questions and Answers

There comes a point in faith where you begin to question, criticize, and rethink the things you have taken for granted for so long. To summarize a year of craziness, fun, learning, doubt, and struggle, this is what it has boiled down to: The Jesus that I have known for the past 5 years will not suffice.

At our church daycamp, we sing a song creatively named "The Box Song." I really used to like this song. It goes something like: "If I had a little white box to put my Jesus in, I'd take him out and *kisskisskiss* and share him with a friend" And then there was a very violent second verse that went "But if I had a little black box to put the Devil in, I'd take him out and SMASH HIS HEAD and put him back again" of course, including smashing hand motions (which was my favorite part). But when I look at that song now, I see more and more how Jesus has broken out of that box that I've put him in, how my understanding of God has expanded to such an extent that he no longer fits within church walls, emotional retreats, or even myself.

Which leads me to revisit an old topic. I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday and we got to the topic of church. He's a pastor's kid who currently isn't sure if he believes in God. He doesn't go to church anymore and he does stuff that good Christian kids aren't supposed to do. Which led me to a question I've been asking for a long time now, What's wrong with church? Or more specifically, What's wrong with San Francisco Asian American churches? Or even more specifically, What's wrong with my church?

This past Christmas break, I made it a goal to come home for church more. Not because I grow more there, not because I like going home, not because I can pick up a green onion bun at the store down the street, but more as a symbolic statement that yes, I, Nathan Lee, still want to be a part of this community in spite of the problems that I see in it and that I am not leaving this church behind even though I disagree with some of the things they do. And I'm glad I made that commitment. However, a symbolic step will not produce change. What, then, is the next step?

Well, the first step I think is to become a church member. I was getting pissy about this earlier on in the year because I was like, "Oh why do I have to become a member since I've been going to this church for like 5 years, blah blah" and yes, I still feel this way. But if it is the first tangible step to getting into the meetings and actually being heard, then I will sit through the classes and jump through the hoops to get there. Ugh.

But how do you change minds? What is my goal? I know something is wrong, but do I know what the solution is? ... I think it would be naive to think I can change a church. I think it would arrogant to say I want a church to see things the way I see them.

What I believe to be the biggest problem at FCBC and other SF AznAmerican churches is the lack of questioning, the lack of independent thinking, the lack of criticizing. Jesus never called us to blindly accept things, he never told us to remain silent, he never told us to be complacent. The problem with church is that it tries to provide answers to everything, but Christianity was never about answers. Jesus' answers were always questions because questions bring freedom and point to God, as in, we don't have to know everything. Not as a cop-out, but as in, this Christianity thing is a process, and we gotta learn and make mistakes and grow together. Church makes the solution to be "read your bible more" or "come to church more," which are not bad things, but which are wrong. We shouldn't read our bibles more, we should practice our bibles more. We know what's in there, we've been learning it since we were doing fractions and trading Pokemon cards. But the bible means nothing to us until we see it in action and see promises being fulfilled. And we shouldn't come to church more, we should be the church more. We shouldn't talk about how we come, but how we go. The church gotta be on the move, or else it's just useless.

When we begin to learn how to question, we will grow. We gotta find our voice! This is how I hope change will happen. Ok this post was too long. Sincerest apologies. Happy summer!

Phases

Remember Pogs?? I know you do. Pogs were all the rage back in 1st grade. That kinda rhymes. But it doesn't. If you don't remember Pogs, you probably weren't popular. Pogs were these circle shaped pieces of cardboard with cool pictures on them, sometimes x-men, sometimes power rangers, sometimes even street sharks. And then there were these metal Pogs called Slammers, which you would use to slam the cardboard Pogs, hence the name Slammers. Sometimes, if you were lucky, bubble gum would come with your Pogs. Legit.


Remember when yo-yo's were in? It was like in... 4th grade or something. I remember the exact yo-yo I had--a Yomega Fireball. That thing was tight. I could rock the cradle, walk the dog, bring it around the world. Dang, I was a G. I remember calling up all the toystores in the yellowpages to see if they had a Yomega Fireball. That thing cost me $20. Not legit.


And I KNOW you remember these. The lightup shoes were freakin fresh back in 2nd grade. Man, lightups + velcro = big pimpin. That's the truth. I remember one time we were on vacation and I saw this old guy wearing lightups and I was like "No way!! When I'm a grownup I'm gonna wear lightup shoes." No lie, that's what I thought. They were just THAT cool. Until the lights ran out of batteries. Then the shoes were just stupid. LA Lights R.I.P.


Remember stuffing your shoes? I still don't understand why people did that. If you never stuffed your shoes before, basically what you would do is get a long sock (or two socks) and pull it down so there's a lot of excess slack at the toes. Then you would take that excess and fold it over on top of the foot. Then you simply insert into shoe and viola! you got yourself a fatty shoe. That's what the gangstas did. Oh, and rubber band the bottoms of the pant legs too. Legit.

There were a lot of random fads and phases that I went through--action figures, cargo pants, Razr scooters, neopets, Ecko, izone poloroid cameras, eating hot cheetos with creme cheese... yknow, the normal stuff. Thinking back on that stuff now, a lot of it seems really stupid. Like Pokemon cards... man I swear I spent so much money on that crap. Other fads made sense, like when I had my hair parted down the middle in a perfectly straight line. Sexy.Sometimes I wonder, is faith just a phase? One day will I come to my senses and just say, "Christianity was just this thing I dealt with in high school and college..."? I think about the things I'm involved in now, the people I hang out with, and what I think about the world... what if it all just kinda passes away someday? Will I keep this up for the rest of my life? ... I think about how my parents left the church. It could happen to anyone right?

Ok, so I think it's naive to say that faith is a "fad," but it bears some thought--what do you do when Christianity becomes uncool? What happens when you're the only one with baggy jeans when everyone's crossed over to skinny? What happens when you're rockin the Old Navy $12.99 zip up hoodie when everyone else has the American Apparel with the cool white zipper? Do you leave your faith when people are gonna hate on you and persecute you? And I mean LEGIT persecution (not the "Christianity is gay" stuff I heard in high school). I'm just saying, faith is easy now--I got hecka Christian friends, a nice little church, no one hates on my beliefs. But it's not always gonna be like that. America is a tolerant nation, but that could be a disadvantage. Real faith comes when everyone else turns on it except you. Pogs 4 lyfe. I'm gonna bring em back.

I am God.

I like poetry. I am talented at poetry.

Is it cocky for me to say that? Maybe. I don't think humility means denying your own gifts and abilities though. I am made in the image of the Almighty; he's given me these particular gifts, as he has with everyone. To say that I am not talented insults the one who made me.

Nevertheless, being truthful about your gifts and talents is walking a fine line. When you know you're good at something, you begin to act like you deserve praise. That, my friends, is dangerous. I have definitely fallen into this trap, but I am making efforts to correct it.

A couple weeks ago, IV had an event called Exposed. I shared two poems. Yesterday, church had an event called Live in Harmony. I shared one poem. Exposed was ok (relatively) because one of the poems I shared dealt directly with this idea of pride and arrogance. At LIH, however, I was only able to share one poem, and this one did not address my cockiness.

Needless to say, after Live in Harmony, I was struck at how difficult it was not to become big-headed. If a gift God has given me results in praise for myself, should I use this gift at all? Am I just performing so that people will give me praise? Because if that's the case, why would I ever worship God if I am worthy of worship myself?

Jesus' parables say that our talents are not to be hidden. Agh... It's a tough balance. If I ever get cocky about stuff, please kick me in the nuts. Thanks.

Day 34. Reflections on a Failed Lent.

Feareth not! I have returned. The number you see up there is correct. I have missed 17 days of doing this whole blog in the mornings business. I apologize. I know you were intensely concerned for my well-being.

Well, now for an unnecessarily deep and profound spiritual reflection on Lent...
Not really.

In all seriousness though, I think I became wary of the fact that I was doing a devotion and then blogging about it... something didn't quite seem right. I think I rationalized it down to: well, Lent is definitely not about showing people your fast, so I shouldn't blog about my devos anymore. Yes, the blogging was a way for people to keep me accountable, but I guess it all kinda just fell to the wayside after I finished Psalm 86. Yes.

A lesser known part of my Lenten activity was my fast from NBA 2K9...
Yes, that has been quite the challenge. I decided to add 2k9 to my Lent list mostly because I was getting hecka pissed off every time I would lose to Sammy and his stupid abuse of Rashard Lewis' unrealistic 3-pt skillz. Ugh. Freakin gets me mad just thinking about it. Sammy, if you're reading this, let it be known to this blog-reading community of 3 people that you don't win because of superior skill. Only because you jack up hecka shots with Rashard until he gets on fire and sadl;kfj;asi. Dang... Well, as you can see, my 2k9 frustrations have led to the inadvertant expulsion of some unfortunate 4-letter words, which is why I felt compelled to fast. The end.

There are 6 days left of Lent. Here is the gameplan (if God's cool with it):

• Wake up before class, read the Book, pray. No blogging.
• Continue 2k9 fast. Own Sammy after Easter. No getting all pouty after a loss (which won't happen anyway)
  

That is all. I hope that your Lents have been more fruitful than mine. I have no continuing plan for blogging during the rest of Lent, though I'd like to be able to get to day 40 without anymore gaps, but whatevs if I don't. For those still toughin it out with fasts, keep it up. But don't make it a show. Holla!


Oh yee and shoutout to my boys at LT&C doin big thaangs. Hit em up for a chance to win.

The Story of Stuff

The Story of Stuff -- WATCH IT. RIGHT NOW. ALL OF IT.

So I was thinking about getting a watch. A nice watch. Like this one:Hollatchaboy!
But then... good ol Sarah Lee had to put that link up on her fb status and just make me feel guilty about my materialistic ways. So I guess I won't be buying the watch as a self-congratulations for finishing midterms :(

But now that I think of it, it's been a weird transformation this semester, starting to care about these weird hippie social issues like sweatshops, the environment, and saving money. Freakin' Berkeley man... Oh and that guy Shane Claiborne...

Yes. My greatest fears are being confirmed. The high hopes I had for this semester in regards to serving the homeless and caring about money are beginning to fade away. I've done a good job not buying clothes, but when I really think about it, that's not really the problem. I don't have a clue on how to love the poor.

Dang... I think the more I learn about Jesus, the more I learn that I have more to learn. Not necessarily bad a thing, but difficult when you're looking for answers. But then again, why would I ever want a God that I can fully understand? ...

Well, good bye, sexy Nixon watch! We could have had something special, but you are merely a worldly item that moths and rust will destroy!!!!!!

Love, Nate