Saturday, February 13, 2010

christian guys are really gay

said my friend Ryan one time. "It's because Christianity looks down on you if you get too close to a girl, so guys just take it out on other guys."

Amen amen.

I ended up using Ryan's quote on an anthropology paper once. Got a B+. I think it's pretty true though. Christian culture forces people to think creatively on how to be social. For example, it forces us to find ways to have fun without alcohol. This is why Christians love board games and can come up with these ridiculous games like Table of Death and the "spin around and jump over a stick" game. When you really think about it, some of it is down right foolish. But they're fun. And they're generally wholesome. Everyone wins.
Likewise, when it comes to relationships, guy-girl contact in a Christian context is dangerous. Most guys play it safe. If a guy needs to release some sexual energy, he'll most likely end up massaging some other dude or getting in a wrestling match or something like that. I dunno. I'm only generalizing. This topic is just kinda awkward.

The guy in this picture is obviously not Christian...

But the truth is, Christian guys are especially gay towards one another. There's no huge attempt at being pc right now, so let's just put it all out there. Christian guys just touch each other. Not in a nasty way, but just as a "wassup, we're homeboys, I can't get too close to that cute girl right now, so imma just hold you" kinda thing. No biggie.
And if you're not a Christian and you're reading this like wtf, then I totally understand. Especially considering the American church's stance on homosexuality, this probably doesn't make much sense. Or maybe it does... because the church is also infamously hypocritical. I dunno. This post is not about the church's views on homosexuality. I don't even wanna get into that. Ok let's just get back to the important stuff. About guys touching each other.

Ok, really, I don't even really wanna talk about that anymore. It was supposed to be a segue into guy-girl relationships in the church, but I just kept rambling about church gayness. This is what I really wanted to talk about:

I've noticed something difficult about church culture and its unspoken views on romantic relationships. It's such an odd and frustrating thing... Basically, it comes down to this basic principle:

If you are a Christian in a romantic relationship and you are not spayed or neutered, you are setting yourself up for a crapload of guilt.

That's just how it is. And let's be honest here, church doesn't talk about sex very often (unless you're studying Ecclesiastes), so I think it's important that it can get acknowledged once in awhile because it's something that affects a ton of Christian people who are passionate both to their significant other and to their God. They're not mutually exclusive. But the simple fact that we have hormones means that--unfortunately--we're gonna want sex... Dang this is awkward... And it just sucks that a lot of Christians who are romantically involved see their relationships with God slowly go to the crapper because being sexually involved with someone just feels a lot more exciting than reading the Bible... Dang this post is gonna get me trouble... It just bothers me a lot that getting into a relationship seems to automatically put you in a downward slope with God... And whose fault is that? Is it our fault that we want to be physically involved? Is it the church's fault for staying silent on the subject while imposing rules and making us feel guilty when we can't keep them? Is it God's fault for making us this way and for calling us to such a high standard? It's all just confusing to me.

Do I think that there is such a thing as a genuinely Christ-centered relationship? Of course I do. But the very very honest reality is that romantic relationships for Christians is freaking difficult. And maybe this is why guy-girl contact is so frowned upon in church circles. Ahh yes, it all makes sense now. This post has indeed come full circle. There's nothing left to really say but, guys, continue only getting close to other guys. That way, we stay safe, uninhibited, and guilt-free.

6 comments:

josh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tim said...

I think the reason why guys touch each other is simply because they have a close bond. It doesn't necessary has to be because they have this girl they want to "touch" but can't.
So if the church frown on guy-girl contact (and by this I'm assuming a you are referring to a guy-girl relationship), when do they expect them to actually have a relationship and get married?

josh said...

haha i feel your post. its def something to think and pray about.

Maria Chow said...

1. remember that guy frank i wrote about a couple months ago? the one with a bunch of piercings and tattoos but memorized all the chapters of the bible back and forth, read mere christianity a handful of times, and went on a few missionary trips? well, THAT SEDUCTIVE LOOKIN GUY in the picture can be another frank!

2. how would you explain all the butt slapping in professional baseball, basketball, football, etc?

3. when are we eating?

Sarah said...

im sure youve thought about this before... but :) the goal of our Christian walk isnt to be guilt free.. and a lot of your points seem to take out a lot of blame on institutions and stigmas that create guilt. as though its the guilt itself that is at fault for our sinking relationship with God. i know you can take that a step further to kind of see how its actually a really immature view of God that makes us become more distant with God as we enter dating relationships. true intimacy takes us as we are, and hopefully the ups and downs of where our physical sin leads us brings us completely intimate spiritually with the God who has seen every slip up but continues to love us. a christ centered relationship is probably characterized more by grace than perfection, right?

Smith said...

keep writing, i enjoy reading.
:) ill comment with actual thoughts in the future